I’ve never seen the movie Bus Stop, starring Marilyn Monroe, but I think about the film every time I approach one—hoping a Marilyn-esque woman will be waiting in the shelter, alone and lonely, ready to strike up a conversation with a dashing young man. But since dashing young men never take the bus, my Marilyn would have to talk to me.

That’s what was shimmying in my head as I approached the 14thStreet bus stop on a blustery October day. Unfortunately, all I found under the cold metal awning was an old man studying the bus schedule.

“There’s no use reading that thing,” I said. “That schedule is about as accurate as a political radio show host.”

The old man huffed and sat down, leaning on his cane. Oddly enough, it was the cane I recognized first, then the man, as my English professor from college.

“Professor Kirkpatrick? It’s me, Ace Insura! How are you doing?”

“Insura,” he said, eyeing me suspiciously like yesterday’s sushi.“I’m bored! That’s how I’m doing. Waiting for the bus is the highlight of my day.”

“Reuniting split infinitives doesn’t keep you busy, professor?”

“Not even close. I’m thinking about renting one of the bedrooms in my house to a college student. The house has been quiet since Judith kicked the bucket.”

“I’m sorry to hear about Mrs. Kirkpatrick’s passing.”

“She’s not dead, you idiot! She accidentally kicked a bucket and broke her toe, and now she’s in an assisted-living facility. Anyway, I thought it’d be nice to have some young blood in the house again—so I found a female student who can help me with things, like hooking up.”

“Hooking up?”

“Don’t be a degenerate, Insura. Hook up my Wi-Fi, so I can blog from the rooftop.”

“Sounds like a great idea, professor. However, in class you always told us to dot every I and cross every T.”

“Nowadays my students are so international I tell them to double dot every ü and tilde every ñ.”

“Professor, I’m just asking if you thought about all the angles, like insurance. How would a border impact your property and liability coverages? And would the college student have any coverage under your policy?”

“You’re just like an episode of Lost, Insura. You’re making me think too hard,” he complained.“But unlike Lost, these questions will need answers,” I said.

What answers will Ace find?

For help solving this mystery and to check your solution against Ace’s, click here.

Jonathan Hermann (hermannism@gmail.com) is an IA contribution editor.